you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
