She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
