I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
