i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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