I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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