the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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