At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I haven't been this sober since birth.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
