my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
