so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
