He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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