I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How naked do you want me to be?
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