I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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