2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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