He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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