My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
