when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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