If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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