Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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