there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
