why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize