Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
