Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
