I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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