know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
