i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
