fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
