It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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