FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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