??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
