And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
