Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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