Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize