Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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