I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize