No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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