i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
