Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
