The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
