he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
