I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
