Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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