whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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