one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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