i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
