True but thats because hes a fetus.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
