Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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