I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
