she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Two words: nipple clamps
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