oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
