i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
