apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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