dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
