I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
