i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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