How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
