it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize