He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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