I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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