so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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