I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
