Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
