I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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