They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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