I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
