i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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