Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
