Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
