Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So vagazzling was a success
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
