Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im holly from the hills drunk
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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