mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Redeem this text for a blowjob
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
